The Price of Conversion: Confessions of an RM
The other day I spent some time with a good friend and we started talking about the future. This lovely lady is notoriously artsy and is in the process of following her creative dream. At that point in the conversation my friend asked me about my creative passions. I was a little ashamed to tell her that I had not even taken time to even try and write anything since returning home at the end of September.
Why is that?
Answer: I never expected my return home from serving a successful mission in Florida to be the Refiners Fire of sorts. I also never expected to loose the people I did. I never expected Satan and his war for my own soul. Sorry to be a bit over dramatic, but that's what it feels like.
When I talked to my former teaching companion and I asked her, "Do you think Satan is after us?... Ever since our scary experience I feel like he's had it out for us..."
To my surprise, my former companion agreed.
Now, I'm not saying Satan has a personal vendetta for me and this Sister. I am saying the closer we are to God the harder Satan tries to drag us away.
Since that conversation I have had several important thoughts that need to be shared.
The stronger the testimony the stronger the adversary's attack on us. Whether it be our lives, relationships, friendships, and/or our testimonies. I have often wondered why so many amazing Returned Missionaries walk away from the church or even their testimonies. They either A. are not fully converted or B. they just want to give up. Fighting every day to withstand the attack is exhausting and sometimes it just feels easier to lay down and let Satan win. There is a story somewhere that talks about a man who takes a walk with one of God's angels. I'm pretty sure it's in a dream or a parable given by a church leader. Anyway, this man and this angel walk through the first city and only find one of Satan's demons.
This man turns to the angel after exiting the city and says, "Wow! That city must be super close to God! They have only one demon in their midst!"
The angel smiled sadly and shook their head, "No. It only takes one demon to draw them all away."
Then they came upon the second city. This place was crawling with demons. The man shuddered and voiced his thoughts of the wickedness that dwelled in this city.
To his surprise, the angel smiled. "This city needs more of Satan's demons for him to even have a foot hold. They are in reality quite close to God."
Satan can mimic things that are good! It happens. It causes us to head down a wrong path that causes us misery. "For he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself..." Satan has had more than enough time to perfect his lures and make things sound like answers to prayers or to questions. Sometimes, we become ensnared and blinded by these things, thinking we know what is right and best. Only to find out that we are at the bottom of a metaphorical pit that has no return. However, the wonderful thing that occurs from the Plan of Salvation is that we have the opportunity to grow from these experiences and grow more in tune with the Spirit.
God is watching out for us. The hardest part is having faith in his timing. Ever since returning home I have had several experiences that have managed to turn life up on it's head. One of these events on average occurring every couple of months or so. If not less. Bad things do happen. Yes. But sometimes things happen and those things force us to rely on God more, so we can grow and stretch as we try to find our true potential. Unfortunately, growth is discomfort. Growth can cause sorrow. Growth can cause pain. But we are never truly alone in our pain. That is one of the most amazing things about life and the Plan of Happiness. Although sometimes we can't see him and sometimes we struggle to feel him. Christ is never too far away. He is always there, waiting for us.
I hope this didn't get too preachy. I get into that mode sometimes. But these thoughts needed to be shared. Not because what I have gone through or am going through. But rather because of what I have been seeing in my day to day life. Choices and decisions people have made that have done more damage than good. But sometimes it takes a while to see it. I hope this helps somebody because it's not often I feel like this.
Why is that?
Answer: I never expected my return home from serving a successful mission in Florida to be the Refiners Fire of sorts. I also never expected to loose the people I did. I never expected Satan and his war for my own soul. Sorry to be a bit over dramatic, but that's what it feels like.
When I talked to my former teaching companion and I asked her, "Do you think Satan is after us?... Ever since our scary experience I feel like he's had it out for us..."
To my surprise, my former companion agreed.
Now, I'm not saying Satan has a personal vendetta for me and this Sister. I am saying the closer we are to God the harder Satan tries to drag us away.
Since that conversation I have had several important thoughts that need to be shared.
The stronger the testimony the stronger the adversary's attack on us. Whether it be our lives, relationships, friendships, and/or our testimonies. I have often wondered why so many amazing Returned Missionaries walk away from the church or even their testimonies. They either A. are not fully converted or B. they just want to give up. Fighting every day to withstand the attack is exhausting and sometimes it just feels easier to lay down and let Satan win. There is a story somewhere that talks about a man who takes a walk with one of God's angels. I'm pretty sure it's in a dream or a parable given by a church leader. Anyway, this man and this angel walk through the first city and only find one of Satan's demons.
This man turns to the angel after exiting the city and says, "Wow! That city must be super close to God! They have only one demon in their midst!"
The angel smiled sadly and shook their head, "No. It only takes one demon to draw them all away."
Then they came upon the second city. This place was crawling with demons. The man shuddered and voiced his thoughts of the wickedness that dwelled in this city.
To his surprise, the angel smiled. "This city needs more of Satan's demons for him to even have a foot hold. They are in reality quite close to God."
Satan can mimic things that are good! It happens. It causes us to head down a wrong path that causes us misery. "For he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself..." Satan has had more than enough time to perfect his lures and make things sound like answers to prayers or to questions. Sometimes, we become ensnared and blinded by these things, thinking we know what is right and best. Only to find out that we are at the bottom of a metaphorical pit that has no return. However, the wonderful thing that occurs from the Plan of Salvation is that we have the opportunity to grow from these experiences and grow more in tune with the Spirit.
God is watching out for us. The hardest part is having faith in his timing. Ever since returning home I have had several experiences that have managed to turn life up on it's head. One of these events on average occurring every couple of months or so. If not less. Bad things do happen. Yes. But sometimes things happen and those things force us to rely on God more, so we can grow and stretch as we try to find our true potential. Unfortunately, growth is discomfort. Growth can cause sorrow. Growth can cause pain. But we are never truly alone in our pain. That is one of the most amazing things about life and the Plan of Happiness. Although sometimes we can't see him and sometimes we struggle to feel him. Christ is never too far away. He is always there, waiting for us. I hope this didn't get too preachy. I get into that mode sometimes. But these thoughts needed to be shared. Not because what I have gone through or am going through. But rather because of what I have been seeing in my day to day life. Choices and decisions people have made that have done more damage than good. But sometimes it takes a while to see it. I hope this helps somebody because it's not often I feel like this.
Hope you're having a good day. :)
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